another blah.. moment
I'd like to know the rule defention of love, because all I know is the word is a bunch of bull, because I said so? I doubt anyone is going to read this, so you know it's all good, but blah I hate when my freaking heart decides to make me feel like I'm a stranger to myself, because you see here damnit, I like mike but obviously everyone and there cousin does also, well ok I know this nasty ass girl named pink does, me and her used to be friends because she slept with my ex-best friend chris, but now she is just a skank who needs to go away for good, but her and mike are "homies" and last night, she was trying to be all over my shit, but I'm not dealing with the drama anymore, I like mike and I'd do anything for him, but I'm not dealing with skanks, I'm better then that. I'm not going to fight over him, because hmph that is gay? he knows how I feel, and if he wants to act weird and not talk to me, just because of pink and shawn and whomever else is involved, that is his business, there is nothing else I can do anymore, just like lena said last night on the phone "if he likes you, and wants you he will." so you know, I'm just going to remain on the sidelines, I'm sick of broken promises, and I'm sick of feeling like im the third wheel in our you know, blah blah blah blah blah in our freaking "relationship" and my emotions cant take it anymore, I'm so confused it's not even funny, and the odd thing is I've never ever felt this way, I mean usually when I liked a guy, and he liked me it was easy said and done, but this is just like drama central, well ok it wouldn't be drama if people would stop making up bullshit, and lies about me, or just trying to get me out the picture all together, because that's how I feel, I'm scared all these skanks are just trying to get rid of me, and I'm going to lose mike, but you know I can't worry about this anymore, and lena made me mad because she tried to sit here and tell me I love him, and I'm like ....."whaaaaaaat?" but who knows, blow me. it wouldn't be so bad if my mom didn't love him to death, and think he was the sweetest guy in the world, but then again I haven't seen him in 2 months, and I'm supposed to this weekend, but who knows right? anything can happen. I just want to be happy, my best-friend mallory was just like screaming at me, because she misses the old perky happy me, and I miss her too. I guess we shall see how things go, you know?

men = confusion.
I'm so blah freaking confused, how come everyone can have easy relationships, and you know I can't? I don't think I ment to be happy with anyone, I'm cursed to remain single until the day I die. blah, because I'm so fucked, because I like someone and I really do happen to like the little sped, even though he drives me fucking insane, and when I mean insane I mean to the bloody boiling point of insane. blah blah fuck me, I'm just blah whatever anyways, I'm finished now. today, I went out and looked for a job, yay go me. did I find luck? fuck no, of course not. kevin wants me to go back to fun-bowl, mallory wants me to come back to wal-mart, and to be honest with you I don't want to go back to neither of them, I hated them both. blah, I'm not gonna end up breaking my promise I made to myself, see how much of a sucker I am?

untilted.
ok, well I don't know exactly what to say, because it's 1:00 in the morning, and I'm wide awake.

cryst uncensored.
I have no idea why I decided to make a blog, or a webpage on top of that, one of those weird off the wall things you just decide to do. anywho, my name is crystal, but people usually refer to be as cryst, or cryst. only the family refers to me as crystal. i live in mcdonough georgia, trust me probably one of the most depressing places to live, small town where basically everyone knows everyone, and people are in eachother's business it's kinda like being in a greek family, but no not really, but thankfully I don't get to caught up in that drama, I guess I'm the rebel out of all of us, I've got two parents, my mom sherry, and my dad doug, I guess you could say they have a happy marriage, but I could be wrong. I've got 3 sisters, sabrina, jennifer and katie, and a baby brother named jonathan, and here I am being the middle child, and them my older sister sabrina has 3 kids austin, hunter, and kaitlynn, alot of christmas gifts to get, and birthdays I always stay broke. im actually starting college in july, taking evening courses to just see what I wanna do, but most likely I'll end up going to school for massage therapy, I just love rubbing oil people and the fun part is, I'd get paid major cash for it, I guess I'm just going to school for the comfort of being on my parents insurance policy, seeing how my demented ass needs it. love life? me nu huh. I don't believe in the whole "forever and kisses" love, I guess once upon a fairly tale I used to think love was possible, but now watching so many relationships end over the lamest shit, I'm a full believer love is a bunch of bull, I've been in enough bad relationships to know I'm better off single, I mean sure I'd like to see myself 10-15 years from now married, and you know happy but right now, I'm 19 almost 20 years old, and I can offically say I don't care to much for love, I mean don't get me wrong I like someone, but that is a whole can of drama you don't need to hear, trust me I get a headache from just thinking about it. I guess after I lost my best-friend, due to the whole sex, and trust factor my faith in men, went down the hill, I mean I don't think he is a horrible person, he was probably the one person on thie entire planet, whom I can honestly say I told everything to, and I'm gonna care and love him until the day I die, doesn't mean he and I will ever be friends again, I mean I'd like to have my therapist back, but he has some conflicts going on in his life, like I do mine and sometimes you have to believe in the whole theory if they love you or cared about you once, they will come back. I guess I'm naive, I like to believe everyone is good, and no one has there downpoints, and I believe in to much of what people say to me, but I still have faith in some people, I have some awesome friends who love me dearly, and I know would do anything for me. I don't know what I'd do without mallory whom is my best friend in this entire planet, she and I have our conflicts, but she is going to be by my side until the day I die, and my geeky ass is going to be at her wedding in some god awful dress she picks out, kevin who is like my twin brother, we were seperated at birth, expect he is a whole day older, you spaz, but I don't know what I'd do without his psycho little ass, mike how in the world do I even begin to describe mike? Well I could say he looks like jamie kennedy from "malibu most wanted" but he would probably wanna pound my head in, or just call me a "bitch" and laugh, when I first met him I didn't think he and I would get along, because our lives are completely opposite from eachother, I guess I'm the prissy white girl, and he just isn't prissy or anything, but I love the boy regardless. He is the only person who will tell me to shut up, or get over what I'm all upset about, I don't know what I'd do without the boy, and when he decides to go back to flordia, I can honestly say I don't know what I'd do without him, and as much as he wants me to admit it that I'd miss him, and of course I refuse to admit it, I will miss him and I probably don't know how I'll react when he does leave. lena? Hah I love Lena to death, she is probably the most down to earth person I'm ever going to meet, she makes me like complete, without lena I'd be 50% not myself, she makes me smile when I'm angry, or makes me laugh when I'm upset, I love you lena. I guess I can admit chris, I love chris to death, even though he and I have our conflicts with eachother, but I still love the boy, he was my therapist, c'mon? I can't pretend he doesn't exist to me, because he does and he will always be important to me. he has helped me with 34325 problems, including my ex-boyfriend austin, and I'll never forget what he did for me. anyways, my hand is like going weak so I'll talk to the blog later.

-crystal.